My name is Sam and I’m afraid that’s all you’re going to get from me. Well, sort of.
Chances are, if you’re reading this, you’ve followed a link from Slacktivist. Most of you will already know me from there, but for new readers and the few who find their way here from outside, this is apt to be a learning experience. The name of this blog is Anonymous Sociopath, which is exactly what I am. Let’s tackle that the first word so that you can better understand my explanations for the latter.
When I first began visiting Patheos and the various blogs on it, I was employed by a company with rather overzealous ideas about representation, public relations and security. Their goal for employees–whether they realized it or not, although the cynical side of me thinks they did–was to render them all completely interchangeable. No employee was to speak of any personal details about themselves whatsoever, to answer questions whenever possible by copying and pasting from a series of scripts, and to never identify as an employee of the company when outside of it without adhering to the same rules. It was kind of a StepfordSmiler situation.
I’m no longer employed by that company, but certain habits became entrenched. After nearly ten years of employment, it’s a habit nowadays not to share personal information about myself. Oh, there are some things I’ll talk about quite freely, probably to the point of squicking a few readers out. I apologize for that ahead of time (and for linking to TVTropes earlier. That was needlessly cruel of me). When it comes to personal information, though, I’m afraid I ration it out quite greedily.
What I can tell you is that I’m a liberal-leaning bisexual genderfluid entity who prefers to be referred to as a “xer” or with “xhe” pronouns. I trigger on people trying to justify physical and sexual abuse. I’m a pacifist. I practice a self-written code of philosophical beliefs based on a certain John Donne poem. I majored in psychology when I was in college and I am currently unemployed, but writing a book (which will frequently be, or inspire, a subject for discussion here).
What trips most people up is that I am also sociopathic. I was diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder when I was in my late adolescence. I later learned that this shouldn’t have been the case; that I should still have had a diagnosis of the adolescent conduct disorder instead, but I’m actually not unhappy about this. It made sense to me and it was a warning that if I wasn’t careful, I was going to end up as just one more mugshot on the news with a dismal caption reading either “arrested” or possibly “shot and killed.” It’s no exaggeration. The characteristics in the above links described me to a T — in many ways, still do. I’m still impulsive. I’m still emotionally stunted. If I inadvertently hurt someone, I have no emotional reaction to their pain (but I acknowledge it as a failure on my part).
What keeps me out of trouble is my philosophical code. I have a long term goal to improve this world by encouraging everybody to join together in mutual cooperation to overcome our problems and limitations. I keep from succumbing to my nature by reminding myself that if I want to see that goal achieved, I cannot act too impulsively. Any social norm I violate must be done so with a clear purpose which furthers my progress toward that goal or at least causes no harm. I can justify, for example, advocating rights for homosexuals to marry — but I can’t justify stealing from someone. I might jaywalk if the street is clear, but I won’t deface a building with graffiti.
Some have suggested that I don’t really have antisocial personality disorder (APD), especially because my behavior is often good enough to function relatively well in society. I’ll leave that to other psychologists.
So! This is me, a sociopath who cares about others both as a means to an end and because the end justifies the means. I’m a liberal who favors policies that promote the welfare of the poor and powerless. I don’t have Jesus in my life and I don’t personally feel like whether or not Jesus ever existed is actually relevant, but he is written to have said things to which I heartily agree. I’m also fond of, but don’t completely agree with, the Tao Te Ching. I enjoy reading fantasy and the Mistborn series are my current favorite books. I have a significant other of whom I won’t say much.
I also have a tendency to suddenly get very self-conscious and abruptly end posts.